Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
