He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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