People with herpes should wear stickers.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
