Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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