My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize