I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
