I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize