She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
