One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
