You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize