he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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