My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
