i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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