so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
