Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
