He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
