he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
