i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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