I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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