Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
