I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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