Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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