did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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