Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
