I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
