This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
