She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
