I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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