If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
