Grow some girl-balls and come out already
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
