Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize