She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
