thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
