Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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