U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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