i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
