i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
