It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
