omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
