Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
