I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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