WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
