Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize