dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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