so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Come see our sink grown plant.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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