I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
