She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
