My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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