i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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