It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
