Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
