That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I have already put on my inside pants.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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