I'm jealous of your bromance
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
