please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
