To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You're like the curious george of whores
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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