Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If I die, sorry about rent.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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