THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
