I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How external is "for external use only"?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
