You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
did i walk over a car last night?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
