i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
