I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
