needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
