Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
