I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
