Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
