Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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