also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You ate ashes out of my bong
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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