they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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