I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
