I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
