Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
