Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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