I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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