i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just made my gag reflex go away.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
